Fonebone’s No Look Spit Shield  

(PIC FORTHCOMING)

The first night Chairman Mao brought the great 45 King to bar APT, I surrendered my satin green Skyywalker Records jacket to a Japanese guy named after Maggotron. Makoto Nagamato ran Weekend Records from his apartment in pre-wack Williamsburg, selling oddball 45 King-produced 12s for fair prices as well as goodies like Jazzy Jew Man and Von Love’s remarkable “Momentary Laps(sic) Of Reason.” That night at APT, none of Mark’s records had a stitch or sleeve to their name, as if in a crate of bacon bits. A Carolina blue sweatband squeezed his head, absorbing the pulse tonnage of a set that went 900# on speed dial. After each record, Mark would toss it, buck-ass bidet suit, over the no-request spit shield,somehow landing it on the bar. Like “Horsehoes!” said girl from Tennessee. It was the illest no-look record toss since my brother ran The Option with my Foghat Live. At a strategic moment, somewhere between a Lakim and a Latee, we had Makoto take a knee like the hardest working man in random rap. On an end zone prayer. Lord Alabaski have mercy. I then draped my green 2 Live Crew tour jacket across his shoulders like James Brown’s valet - purportedly during the Chill Rob G/Maceo & the Macks song because this kind of weird magic rap shit has been known to happen in New York, where Jay-Z re-upped Mark’s career with "Hard Knock Life" and figured he’d rip up this Billy Joel loop for the hove of it. Actually it was for a 45 King album that never came out but hopefully will some day. When Jay-Z says “nearsighted,” one can’t help but think of that old Don Martin comic where Joe Fonebone gets flattened by a steam roller and these two guys fold him up. “Schloot! Flot! Flit! Fladat!” And finally, “Ssat!” Then a guy fromThe Nearsighted Strong Man’s Club mistakes folded up Fonebone for a phone book and accidentally rips him in half. Oh and that Skyywalkerjacket did have the foot stepping through the cloud. Stitched!

Posted by Dave at December 9, 2004 12:12 PM